Today I am filled with mixed emotions. A girl I grew up with is having a baby. I am over the moon happy for her, but it brings me back to the realization that I am not pregnant.
The hubby and I have been married for over 2 years now and struggled with conceiving for 21 months. When you are in our situation of over 30 this deems us "infertile." This is something I am really having a hard time with. I had a plan and now my plan is no more. Over the last 2 years, we have went from dying to have children to not wanting them to dying to have them again. I have never not wanted them but my husband feels like it is too hard to keep trying. While I agree with him on the fact it is hard, I also want to keep trying. He promised he would try harder this month. Since this month just started, we will see in two weeks how hard he tries.
This has been the main cause of arguments in our household. Mainly, because we can't communicate well on this topic. Neither of us understand the need of the other. We have been doing better with this. We have taken the steps to begin fertility testing. He is up first, fingers crossed everything is good and we have just had bad timing. But whatever the doctors tell us, I will be ok with it. At least I hope so.
We have talked about adoption on several occasions as well. It is just sad how much it costs. At least with pregnancy, insurance covers some.
But today is a happy day for my friend and her family. I wish them the best for a safe, healthy delivery.
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