Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Changes over the last week.

Last week, went from bad to amazing.  DH finally decided to get his sperm analysis done.  Only with me pushing him to do it.  Talk about awkward.  Having to come home from work to have him "do his business" in a cup then carry it around town.  It was definitely a first for our relationship.  Once I dropped off the sample at the lab, I was told the results would be ready in 3 hours.  When I called, the doctor was out and I would have to wait until the next day.

This night was the first time I have been glad DH works evening shift.  I sat at home and watched random shows, all of which included a pregnancy or newborn story line, and cried all evening.  I cried for two reasons.  The first, I just knew something was wrong with him and once it was confirmed he would give up the idea of having a child.  Number two, was if I was wrong I would blame myself for all our struggles.  Though in between the crying I did have to finish packing for my bestie trip.

The next day was another day full of emotion as I waited for the doctor to call but tried to act normal for S while driving the 8 hours to the beach. Finally at noon they called. Turns out DH was normal!!  Great news, except the blame game started. Since that day I have blamed myself over and over again for our problems.  I should have lost the weight, I should have tracked my temps better, I should have done so many things differently to not be in this place. DH has been extremely supportive and not once blamed me. The good news is I start Clomid next cycle. Fingers crossed I don't have to get the prescription filled. 

To keep my mind off of the fertility issues, the beach trip was amazing. The weather was a little crappy but alone time with S was great. I was never lucky enough to have a sister. Well, until I found her. She is truly my sister and the person I turn to for everything. 

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